


The Unconscious

by under_the_blue_moonlight



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Blood and Injury, M/M, Multi, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Unsympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Violence, abusive logicality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/under_the_blue_moonlight/pseuds/under_the_blue_moonlight
Summary: Due to constant abuse from the light sides, every night, Logan journeys to the lake of the unconscious to calm down and take a break. The lake acts like solid ground, and Logan can usually lie on it and relax.However, one day something goes wrong.One day, he falls in.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 191





	The Unconscious

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a prompt sent to me by tumblr user @ispeakhalflies

There were a lot of places in the mindscape that the sides would visit that weren’t part of their main living area. There was the imagination, which was Roman’s main domain outside the living area. There was the names and faces database, which was constantly disorganised. There was the facts and opinions library, where sides often forgot which book belonged where and would place them on the wrongs shelves. And there was the memory vault, which was a space-like room where star-like orbs floated. These orbs were condensed memories that could be accessed and viewed. Patton would spend a lot of time there - being able to choose memories to view was a lot better than his room, where different memories surrounded him all the time. Logan also spent a lot of time there, as he liked the space vibe the room had. He found it calming.

However, there was another place Logan would go when he needed to calm down. Down down, far below any other part of the mindscape, there was a lake. A large still lake, that was a dark navy blue, reflecting the room around it like a mirror. This lake led to the unconscious.

Well, other sides called it the subconscious. However, Logan knew the proper psychoanalytical term was unconscious. ‘Subconscious’ implied it was another plain of consciousness that Thomas was aware of. However, both Thomas was not aware of it and both he and the sides were not aware of what it contained. Therefore it was the unconscious.

All the other sides were terrified of it. It was a deep dark void, after all. None of them wanted to know what led beneath. Because of this and their avoidance of it, it was the perfect place for Logan to come when he needed an escape.

And boy did he need an escape. To him, the ‘light’ side of the mindscape wasn’t all that ‘light’. Roman constantly made fun of Logan because he couldn’t do so to Virgil anymore, and it was a huge kick in the gut every time. Logan knew Roman was insecure and that’s why he did it, but it wasn’t an excuse to be rude.

Virgil always overlooked Logan in favour of Patton and Roman, going to them for comfort, or for just casually spending time. It made Logan feel unwanted. And if Virgil did go to Logan, and Logan said something Virgil didn’t want to hear, Virgil would accuse him of being Deceit and lying. Logan understood it was because of Virgil’s past with Deceit, and the distrust caused by that, but it wasn’t an excuse to be hurtful.

And Patton… Oh, Patton. At first, he had been the one who could actually make Logan happy. They even decided to start a relationship. However, it was after the relationship began that Patton began to show his true colours; he became extremely possessive.

Logan found himself unable to talk to any other side for too long, being dragged away by Patton mid conversation “for cuddles”. The same went for his work. At first, Patton would drag him away only occasionally, so it seemed he was just worried about Logan overworking himself. But then it became more and more often, until Logan was doing practically no work. This meant Thomas had no schedules and procrastinated more, which made Roman and Virgil mad at Logan for ruining Thomas’ creative whimsy and making him anxious.

Despite that, Logan would give in to Patton and let himself be dragged away from work. Why? Because, for the preacher of honesty in Thomas’ head, Patton was an expert manipulator. When Logan did what Patton asked, Patton would reward him with baked goods - most with a Crofters twist to make them irresistible to the logical side. Due to this, Logan found himself obediently following Patton’s commands like a puppy being trained, desperate for the treat he would get if he did so.

Logan didn’t even realise how Patton was conditioning him until he found himself unable to do up the button of his jeans one morning. When trying to connect the dots of how he had gained the weight that caused this, it suddenly occurred to him just how much Patton seemed to feed him, and the circumstances that usually led to said food being given to him. Safe to say, Logan was horrified.

After that, he tried to decline the food when offered. He claimed he was trying to be healthier, in the hopes of not aggravating the moral side. However, Patton would then proceed to “playfully” force-feed Logan, as a way of establishing his power and control. Logan had no choice in even what he ate, let alone anything else.

All this made Logan start escaping to the lake of the unconscious at night more and more.

He’d never enter the lake, of course. He didn’t want to sink into the seemingly bottomless void of the waters. Though, to be fair, he was effectively unable to sink. It acted like solid ground. He would walk across it, and lie down in the middle of the lake, eyes closed and calm for once in his life. It was perfect…

At first he’d only go once a month. Then once a fortnight. Then once a week. Then every two nights. Then he’d spend every night out there, alone and peaceful.

However, one night, it wasn’t so calming.

The day had been one of the worst of Logan’s life. Thomas was a week behind for filming, so Roman and Virgil tore into Logan completely. So, Logan went back to his room and started to desperately draw up schedules to fix the mess. Only Patton dragged him away from his desk the minute he sat down, before trying to get him to eat a whole batch of Crofters thumbprint cookies. Logan tried to turn them down, pointing out the fact his shirts were riding up a little at this point, but Patton wouldn’t have it.

So, later, he found himself led in bed, stomach achingly full, which was not helped by Patton hugging him more tightly than should be necessary. He honestly felt on the verge of being sick. However, he did not pull himself from Patton’s grasp, waiting until a sign…

Aha! There it was! Roman and Virgil were calling goodnight to each other, and a moment later there was the sound of their bedroom doors closing. Just to be safe, he waited a minute or so longer, before deciding to make his move.

He moved very gently so as to not disturb Patton as he slipped out of bed. From there, he tiptoed from the room, making sure that the door made no noise as he pulled it slowly closed. Then, he hurried quietly down the hall.

He left the living area, heading all the way to the very back of the mindscape, where a staircase descended. Logan went down, down down down, far beneath, to the very bottom of the mindscape. He pushed open the door at the bottom and there he was.

He stepped into the room, the lake still and glistening in front of him. The air of familiar calm washed over him straight away, causing a smile to tug at his face as he walked to the edge of the water. With that, he gently took a step. He travelled across the water with ease until he reached the centre. There, he led down, sighing as he got comfy on the water. So peaceful…

He lost track of how long he led there. He may have fallen asleep.

Whatever happened, he was jolted back into reality as he was suddenly dropped into the water.

His body immediately tensed up at the shock of plunging into the freezing lake. After snapping out of the shock, he desperately tried to swim back to the surface, feeling water flooding his throat. He was going to drown! No no no no…!

… Wait. Hold on. He could still breathe? Despite being underwater?

“What the…?”

And he could speak? Well… I guess it would make sense the unconscious was no ordinary lake…

He looked up to find the surface getting further and further away, and he went back to trying to swim up. However, as he did so, he seemed to sink faster.

Eventually, the surface couldn’t even be seen. He was surrounded by blackness.

He felt his breathing pick up. How was he going to get out if he couldn’t swim up? Was he going to be stuck here forever?! And if he wasn’t, if he got out far too late, Patton would know he’d snuck off… What would he do? Punish him? Hurt him? Decide to feed him more and more until Logan was too big to move and so could never leave?! CUT HIS LEGS OFF?!

… Wait, what? Why did he think that? Patton was bad, but not that bad. Why had the thought of Patton cutting his legs off occurred to him? It was incredibly illogical for him to think. If anything, that was more in Remus’ domai-

Whaaaaaaat was that?!

Logan froze as he felt something slimy wrap around his ankle. He didn’t want to look down. Nope. Whatever it was, maybe if he just stayed perfectly still it would go away. He just needed to stay cal-

It was wrapping around his other ankle too! Logan couldn’t stop himself from looking down, and immediately paled, any and all colour draining. 

Recently, Logan had watched a documentary about something that honestly scared him a little. So, to be honest, he probably shouldn’t have watched it, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. This documentary had been about creatures that lived at the bottom of the ocean. One creature he had found particularly unnerving was the Bigfin Squid. The name didn’t exactly sound horrifying, but it sure looked it. And along with the knowledge that it is eight meters, or 26ft, in length, Logan had found his new nightmare.

And now, here it was, gripping his ankles in two of its unbelievably long arms. And it was slowly dragging him closer to its open beak.

The scream that forced itself from Logan’s throat was louder than any noise he had made before. He frantically kicked and squirmed until he no longer felt the arms, and then he swam as fast as he possibly could. He didn’t stop until he felt completely physically drained, unable to move anymore.

He gasped for breath, trying to stop himself from sobbing. What was going on? Why was that thing here?! And why couldn’t he get ou-

Logan flinched upon seeing a bright flash and hearing the clap of thunder. No… no no no, not a thunderstorm! Logan would never admit it to anyone else, but he was terrified of thunder and lightning. And now he was caught in the middle of a storm, rain pouring down on him despite already being underwater. He whimpered, curling into a ball as another clap of thunder sounded. Wind, so strong he felt like he would get swept up in it, swirled around him. There was another lightning strike, this one feet away from where he was floating, and he screeched in terror. He curled up even tighter, eyes forced shut, begging for this to be over. Why did he have to fall into the unconscious?!

After ten whole minutes of being caught in the storm, the wind finally settled and the thunder quietened to silence. Logan began to relax, taking deep breaths (‘in for four, hold for seven, out for eight…’) and uncurling.

However, the calm didn’t last long, as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around to face whoever it was, expecting the worst, only to find himself face to face with Roman.

“R-Roman, thank god! You have to get me out of here, I-”

“No. You are staying here in this hell. And you will until you finally learn to actually be fucking productive! Because of you, Thomas hasn’t uploaded a video in months! You always harped on me about not meeting deadlines, and now you’re not even making deadlines to meet! You’re a disgusting hypocrite, and a fucking failure! You deserve to live your life in this terror! And maybe take the time to lose all that weight you’ve put on. When you come back, I don’t want the Fanders thinking I’m friends with a disgusting pig.”

Logan blinked back the tears welling in his eyes as Roman seemed to fade away into the darkness. He didn’t even have time to question it before he was suddenly shoved in the shoulder and forced to turn and face someone else. This time, it was Virgil.

“You’re the worst fucking logic ever, you know that? For someone who’s meant to be grounding and realistic, you’re the most anxiety-inducing liar I’ve ever met. You’re even worse than Deceit! You may as well be a Dark Side with how bad you are to all of us and Thomas! Roman’s right, you need to get your fucking shit together.” He suddenly grabbed Logan by the collar and pulled him close, glaring down at him. “And if you don’t, I meant it back when I said I wouldn’t be afraid to prohibit your breathing.”

Logan’s heart thudded in his chest as Virgil moved his hands to be wrapped around Logan’s throat, slowly squeezing tighter and tighter, until Logan was clawing at the anxious side’s hands, desperate for air.

This was it. He was going to die. He was going to die a horrible failure, never having apologised to Thomas for his horrible work, and stuck in an unhappy relationship.

“GET OFF OF HIM!”

Logan was suddenly pulled from Virgil’s grasp and into a tight hug. An extremely tight one that could only belong to Patton. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or scared.

That question was answered for him when he was slapped across the face.

“Don’t you dare go near either of those two again! Don’t go near anyone!” Patton snarled. “You’re mine, Logan. Not Virgil’s, not Roman’s, not Thomas’. Mine.” His expression softened upon seeing the tears streaming down Logan’s face and the terror etched upon his features. “Oh, don’t be scared. Being mine isn’t a bad thing. I’ll feed you all the delicious Crofters treats you want. I’ll cuddle you aaaall day. You never ever have to work. You’ll be my teddy bear…” He hugged Logan again, but Logan wasn’t comforted at all. In fact, Patton’s words had caused him to cry harder. He wanted to work! He needed to! He didn’t want to spend his whole life as a cuddle toy for Patton!

“In fact… if you’re my little teddy bear, I should do what Andy does to his toys in Toy Story.” Patton pushed Logan back out of the hug before pulling a knife from his pocket. “Mark you so everyone knows who you belong to.”

Before he could even gasp, Logan found his pyjama shirt being pulled up and Patton pressing the blade of the knife against the skin of his stomach. Logan cried in pain as Patton carved line after line into the logical side’s flesh. He begged for someone, anyone, to hear and save him. It felt like hours before Patton stepped back, admiring his handiwork. Logan glanced down, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as he saw the bleeding word ‘Patton’, so deep he knew that the scar would never heal.

“Perfect, LoLo. Now everyone will leave you alone, knowing that you’re mine already. Don’t cry, it’s for the better. Now let’s go to my room. I’ll lock the door so no one can take you away, and so you don’t run off again.” Patton grabbed Logan’s wrist.

And in that moment, something in Logan snapped. For years, he had had to deal with the torture from his fellow ‘light’ sides. But you know what? Enough was fucking enough.

He screamed, but not a terrified scream. It was more of a battle cry. He lifted his legs and kicked Patton square in the jaw. He continued to kick and punch, screaming all the things he’d always wanted to say, but never had the courage to before. He didn’t know how long he was doing so. It could have been five minutes or five hours. All he knew was that, after one last kick, Patton suddenly disappeared, fading into the darkness.

And as he did so, arms wrapped around Logan’s waist. Logan screamed again, thrashing to try and escape from whoever it was’ grasp.

“Hey, hey, Logan, it’s okay! It’s just me! It’s Remus!”

Logan stopped at the familiar, nasally voice, turning to see it was indeed Remus who was holding him. He immediately relaxed, tears of relief brimming.

God, he was crying so much today…

“Jeez, whatever you saw must have really shaken you up… Let’s get you out of here before any other apparitions appear.” Remus kicked his legs, and unlike when Logan tried, easily swam up through the black waters, and it wasn’t long until they broke the surface. Logan coughed up water as Remus continued to rise up so he and the logical side were floating over the surface. The creative side clicked his fingers before lowering down, the surface once again acting like solid ground. “There. You’re okay now. Safe and sound.”

“Th-thank you…” Logan stuttered, trembling a little. However, he paused a moment later, unable to control the questions flooding his mind. “Why were you down there? How come you can control the lake? Why doesn’t… it hurt… anymore…” His last question trailed off so Remus couldn’t even hear it as Logan lifted his shirt. Patton’s name was no longer engraved in his stomach. There wasn’t a drop of blood there, or even any scarring.

“Well, with your first question, I could ask you the same thing. Not many sides like coming in here. But, um, well, you know how Roman has the imagination? Well, the unconscious is basically my equivalent. Roman has Thomas’ fantasies that he willingly and happily thinks about and engages in. I have Thomas’ nightmares and horrors that he doesn’t like to think about and isn’t aware of until I choose to forcibly send one up. That’s why I can control this place. I open it to access when I need to drop in, and close it when I leave.”

“...So that’s why I fell in today? Because you were in there?”

“Yep. Didn’t know you were a frequent visitor, though.”

Logan shrugged, smiling a little. “It’s calming and quiet in here… Well, it is when I’m not falling in.” He paused. “Wait. Patton, Roman and Virgil are down there. I saw them. Th-they’re stuck down there! Oh god, I saw them and left them… Th-they’re going to hate me even more now…! Roman and Virgil are going to scream at me for ages, a-and Patton… Patton’s gonna lock me in his room and never let me leave and hurt me for leaving him tonight twice, and-”

“Logan. Take a deep breath. Focus on my voice. Now, when you saw the three of them, did they float or swim away after, or did they seem to fade into darkness?”

“F-fade. Why?”

“That means they weren’t real, Lo. The unconscious has a defence mechanism where if someone who isn’t me or any of the other Dark Sides enters, it attacks them with their greatest fears.” He paused. “You’re scared of the other light sides… Aren’t they your family? Aren’t you in love with Patton?”

Logan shook his head, feeling the tears welling once again. Ugh, he hated feelings, this needed to stop. “I, um… They don’t really care about me. Roman and Virgil hate me… And Patton, he treats me more like a possession than a partner. He pulls me from my work so he can cuddle me like a teddy bear, hence why Thomas has been procrastinating so much more recently. And you, uh, probably have noticed I’ve put on weight. It’s because Patton decided to psychologically condition me into doing what he wanted by baking me things when I obeyed him. And when I realised and tried to resist, he started force-feeding me instead, like some sick way of establishing his power and dominance.”

“Jesus…” Remus mumbled. “I didn’t know Patton was that bad… Like, rule one of any kink, even feeding, is always get consent first.” He paused. “But if it makes you feel any better, I think you look kinda cute with the extra chub.”

Logan tensed a little, feeling his face flush at this comment. Cute? Really? He’d always thought he looked like a whale. But he was cute?

Apparently his silence made Remus nervous, as the creative side suddenly started rambling. “Sorry, is that, like, a sensitive topic for you? I won’t bring it up again, and I take back the comment if it made you uncomforta-”

“No! It’s okay! It’s just… Patton, despite being the one who did this to me, never called me cute or anything. He never even complimented me at all… Now that I think about it, I don’t think he’s ever told me he loves me.”

Remus bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Logan… I think you should move in with us.”

Logan blinked up at him, eyebrows furrowing. “What?”

“You should live with us Dark Sides. From what I’ve heard, you really need to get out of there. You’re not safe with the others. Roman and Virgil sound like dicks, Patton’s abusing you, and you deserve so much better! I know we don’t have that great a reputation, but I promise with all my cold, rotten, slimy heart that we will treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Please?”

“But… but what if Patton gets mad? What if they all do? What if they come to take me back? What if they hurt you and Deceit and-”

“Trust me, Lo, we won’t let them do that. I mean, you know I’m a pretty good fighter. And it’s still safer for you than staying with them.”

Now it was Logan’s turn to bite his lips and think things over. But as he deliberated, he found Remus was right. He was in danger if he stayed with the others. Not to mention, after his visions in the unconscious, he would likely be in extreme paranoia any time he was near Patton.

“Okay. I’ll join the Dark Sides.”

A grin spread across Remus’ face, and he wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist, lifting him up and spinning with him. “You’re gonna have the best time ever!!! We have weekly horror movie nights, with all the snacks you could want! We host the best Halloween parties, which guarantee sugar highs with the amount of candy there is! And! And and! I’ll turn off the defence mechanism for the unconscious for you so you can visit my kingdom!”

“Your kingdom?”

“Yep! The black fear-inducing lake is just the top, protective layer. Under that lies my kingdom. Come on, I’ll take you there!”

With two clicks of his fingers, one allowing access to Logan and the other opening access to the lake, Remus and Logan plunged back into the water. Logan clung to the other side as they sank deep down through the water, expecting some horror of his to appear. However, it never did.

Then, Logan felt his feet leaving water, and his whole body followed, before slipping out of the liquid and being dropped onto solid ground. Remus landed beside him right after.

“Welcome to my kingdom! You get to view it from the best seat in the house: my very own tower!”

Logan stood up, finding himself standing on the balcony of a tower made of black stone, vines crawling up it and wrapping around the stone balcony banister. He looked out at the surroundings, and was immediately struck at the stark contrast Remus’ kingdom had compared to Roman’s.

The whole place was glum and grim. The sky was grey and cloudy, no sun, moon or stars visible, unlike Roman’s sunny, warm and bright one. Whereas Roman’s villages were filled with villagers singing and dancing, Remus’ were eerily quiet. Roman’s forests were filled with adorable animals and fantastical creatures. Remus’ were dark, and Logan thought he saw Bigfoot roaming around in one of them. As for cryptids and creatures, Cthulhu and the Kraken were off in the distant ocean, looking like they were just chilling and talking.

“So… what do you think?” Remus asked, leaning on the banister.

“I… I love it! Roman’s kingdom is so sweet it’s sickening. Yours… I mean, it has actual cryptids! That’s incredibly fascinating!”

Speaking of cryptids, something suddenly flew up to the balcony. “Hey, Remus!”

“Mothman! How’s it going?” 

“Pretty cool,” Mothman shrugged. “Was wondering if you want to come roam the Dark Forest with me for a bit? I heard some travellers found a bridge in there that, based on the description, sounds like the Goatman bridge.”

“Tempting, but I’ll have to save it for another day. Showing around the newest member of the Dark Sides. This is Logan. Logan, meet Mothman.”

“Nice to meet you!” Mothman took Logan’s hand, shaking it as Logan tried to calm down from his current excitement.

“You too… I, um.. Big fan. Hey, um… could I possibly come with you guys when you go to the Goatman bridge? One of my favourite Buzzfeed Unsolved is the one there…”

“Sure!” Remus grinned, wrapping an arm around Logan’s waist. “But I think we should probably head to bed. I mean, after the stress of tonight, you probably need some shut eye. See ya tomorrow, Mothy.”

“See ya, Remus! Don’t forget, poker with Cthulhu, Kraken, and Bigfoot on Friday!” Mothman flew away as Remus led Logan inside the tower.

Remus stripped off his clothes until he was only wearing his boxers, before climbing into his bed. “I usually sleep in the buff, but I’ll be kind and save you from that visual.”

Logan gave a thankful smile. “So, um, where’s the guest bedroom?”

“Oh, uh, there isn’t one…” Remus chuckled. “Kinda cliché, huh? ‘There’s only one bed’. I, um… you okay with that?”

After a moment, Logan nodded. “Yeah, I think so. As long as you don’t hug me as tightly as Patton used to. It was incredibly uncomfortable.” He climbed in beside Remus.

“Oh? So I can hug you as long as I’m gentle?”

“... Don’t see why not.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Logan pulling him close. He sighed. “Wow… Your chub is cute _and_ soft… I know you didn’t get it in the best way, but have you considered keeping it?”

“Hm… I guess it would make Roman mad to have someone who he associated with be ‘a fat pig’. Well, at least it made the Roman I encountered in the unconscious mad, so I kinda hope that reflects in real Roman. It’ll be funny to see him pissed about something he has no control over.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Remus grinned.

Logan let out a small yawn, curling up to Remus. “Thank you… so so much…”

“It’s nothing, Lo.”

“It’s not nothing. You saved me… And you’re...a much… better partner than… Patton was…” And with that Logan fell asleep.

However, after that sentence, Remus knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all.

Partner. Logan had called Remus his partner.

Oh.

_Oh._


End file.
